Thursday, October 15, 2009

Scared and Emberassed

I just received the link to the pics that were taken at the 10K and I am emaciated. Honestly when i look in the mirror I do not see that skeletal person that is me (i guess). It also scares the crap out of me! I have looked way worse (scary thought i know) but I have. At my lowest I weighed 10 lbs less than I do now and I didn't exercise. It was not a good time and I was trying to find something to control and my weight and eating habits fit the bill.
I wrote in a previous post about balance and I am NOT balancing very well I guess.
If you follow me on twitter I made some very nice comments about my talk with the scale (haha) and then I see pics of myself and I totally get slapped in the face. I really am struggling and I do not want to give up running at all but eating more isn't helping.
I haven't written about my runs this week (although I have ran every day) but I am making a conscious effort to put on the lbs. It is so hard, even though I know it is best because I do want to be healthy and I think it will make me run better too.
The people closest to me have been true encourager's and I appreciate them so much. After I saw the first pictures (that I took) I was upset but now I am just really sad. I am sad that this matters to me so much and I am MAD at myself. So.... operation put on 10 lbs is officially on.
This is my marathon!!! It is going to be hard. People say "just eat" but I feel like I have been so we are going to try something else I guess.
I am still going to be training for my half in March but I am going to HAVE to solve my nutrition issues and quick because I WILL NOT look like a skeleton in those pics. I want to be proud of them.
Happy Running!!

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you are struggling... I am so sorry!. I have to say that I did notice that you look really thin in those pics, I am glad to see that you are making an effort to gain weight and getting healthier! It will help your running and life in general. So brave of you to open up to the bloggy world, please keep us posted and let me know if I can help with anything, I am actually not too far away!!